get joyful get crafty get real: May 2014

My dear cousin asked me to write a letter to a 14 year old young lady that is important to her. The purpose of the letter was to share, as an experienced - fine, older - woman, advice on life in high school. I could have written five pages, at least, but kept it to these highlights.

Tis better to have a few quality, close friends than 100 friends that you can’t count on, don’t really know that well and/or can’t trust
Your parents are doing the best they can. Yes, they are. It may not always feel like it, but they are.
Your parents love you. And they show that by having rules and curfews and saying “no” to you occasionally.
Read this book: “10 Stupid Things Women do to Mess Up Their Lives” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger before you graduate from high school
Read this book: “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No-To Take Control of Your Life” by Cloud and Townsend before you leave for college
Really care about your grades and LEARN. Seems simple and the point of high school, but really actually listen and learn. Math skills really do come in handy. And a basic knowledge of history is needed in everyday life. Actually read the books that are assigned in Literature class. You will care about having a good GPA at the end of your high school career, so might as well start off on the right foot.

After you graduate::: Go to college. Start with a community college for two years if you don’t know what you want to do, but transfer to a reputable four year state or private school to graduate from. More on this in a future letter "what to know for your senior year".

Boys/guys/young men, if they are of good character and actually love you, will NOT want you to give up your innocence – protect your virginity.
Don’t date guys that are mama’s boys and/or are co-dependent – call me if you have questions about this
Time with girlfriends is important and should be protected. Once you have a boyfriend make sure that you both take time to spend with your own friend groups – separately. It’s healthy.
Pray. Talk to God. He cares and wants to hear from you.
Be thankful to God. Everything you have is because of Him. He has your back.
Be Joyful. Find joy in the small stuff; choose joy in the hard moments.

Hold tight to your beliefs. Some of which I'm sure you are stilling learning what you believe - but the ones you are confident in, the core of them - HOLD FIRM. Do NOT be ashamed that you believe in God. Do NOT be afraid to voice your opinion, do it respectfully.

Clarity over Agreement. When voicing your opinion and/or belief don't worry about the other person agreeing with you, just be sure that you have been clear on what you believe and you are clear on their stance. It is okay to agree to disagree.

Be self-aware. Not self-conscience. Just self-aware. Think about: how do the words I say affect others? Am I carrying myself in a respectful manner?
If you would be ashamed to tell your grandfather (or pick a strong male family member that you respect) about what you are about to do, then DON’T DO IT. Trust your gut.

If you do not have a strong male family member PLEASE don't go looking for a boy to fill that hole in your life. He can't. He's just a "boy", he doesn't know things that men do. That is not permission to date older men...they probably don't have your best interest in mind either.

Have fun, try new things – comfort is overrated.
Men are not the enemy. You can be a strong woman without hating men. Don't talk down to them. They are not dogs - don't think you can "train" them.
Its okay to get into trouble sometimes…nothing CRAZY or illegal. But it’s not the end of the world, it will feel like it when you get punished but that punishment will also teach you a lesson.
Don't lie. Just don't. It's NEVER worth it. Ever. You will get caught EVERY TIME. No one will trust you.
Don't gossip. No one will trust you.
Be nice. Yep, that's the closer to this. Be nice. Don't be a pushover, but be nice. Be polite. There is no need to be rude. Bitchy is NOT cute or funny- it's bitchy. Be nice.